


Underneath the Midnight of Forever

by deafeningsilences



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:56:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deafeningsilences/pseuds/deafeningsilences
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall was joining the stars and Zayn was going to be left behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Underneath the Midnight of Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning this is incredibly depressing and deals with death, so if you're not comfortable with it please don't read.
> 
> And this has not been proofread so sorry for some weird sentences.

**Under The Midnight of Forever**

_By DefeaningSilences_

_Underneath the midnight of forever where the stars shine like pearls scattered on an infinite ocean, where the moon stands adamant in the ephemeral black a stalwart of light so bright and true. The listless constellations lighting up the blanketed sorrow, the immortal souls of fleeting grief and eternal joy, curtained by the indolent clouds hindering the brightness of forever constant and unrelenting, the majestic beauty of the unparalleled endlessness. Constant and unwavering is this reality, unlike our miniscule existence, this bright existence of the heavens calls the start and end of forever, the imparted truth that we sometimes fail to see. Pictures of the undying creatures of the night, pulled and scraped into the seams of time unbeknownst and undefined, only by the constant ebb of life do we understand this perpetuity, unbarred and irrevocable, and through the closed eyes do we truly feel the unparalleled feeling of forever._

 

Bright orbs of the ocean stare into the eternal blackness of giants, the faint tinge of blue waning in its place a subtle dull grey. His smile gargantuan, shining like the millions of stars which punctuated the great dark, tears trailed down his eyes as the serenity took over his body his limbs feeling the coursing calm, the feeling of quiet content evident in his smile. He looked like he was glowing in the billowing blankness, his pale skin lighting his body with a faint glow. The orbs moved once again not to the darkness but to amber orb which were staring back at him. The eyes which brought so much happiness and joy into his life were now blank and emotionless, despair and loss so evident in the dull eyes. Blue eyes moved his hand cupping the cheeks of the tan boy staring at him.

“Smile for me love” Blue eyed boy said moving his hand to gently caress the carved skin, so smooth and strong. The milky white of his arm melding softly with the deep olive tones of amber eyes.

“I can’t anymore darling, I can’t do it anymore” Amber eyes pleaded trying to ask for this one thing he so desperately wanted to do, the only thing he couldn’t do. Blue eyes looked reverently at amber eyes and pushed his last reluctance away and gave him this final wish.

“One time only ok dear, just one time than you will smile ok darling, I’ll be joining the stars soon, it’s going to be a joyous occasion” he murmured. And with that Amber eyes took hold of the other and held him tighter than ever before then he did what he has kept inside him for months. His eyes began to water and the seams of his façade came crumbling down, he buried his face in the blonde’s neck and cried, he wailed and screamed all his sorrows into the emptiness.

“You can’t go Niall, I can’t do this. IT’S NOT FAIR!” He screamed into his chest “ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR, YOU CAN”T JUST LEAVE ME YOU CAN’T!” He wailed pure anguish evident in his voice, his body was convulsing in pure agony as he cried all his sorrows, all his fears and all his anxiety into this one moment of lawlessness. The ungodly screams coming from the tan boy echoed through the night, screaming curses into the nothingness.

“Niall I can’t do it anymore, I can’t think about anything anymore, you’re all that matters to me - you’re everything” He sobbed uncontrollably into Niall’s chest.

Niall had tears in his eyes, watching the love of his life so broken and fragile in his arms, as he pondered on the life he was slowly losing he remembered the only promise he asked of Zayn throughout this whole ordeal, “No tears darling, please no tears, we’ll get through this together, but just promise me, no tears” He wanted Zayn to learn to smile when he wasn’t there anymore, he wanted his love to be happy when he left, he wanted Zayn to love again when his heart stopped beating. So he asked him no tears, because it would hurt him so much more if he ever saw his love cry. He remembered the time when he first found out.

_In the midnight we find the darkness_

There was a tree sitting right outside the doctor's office that day he walked in, it was very beautiful tree, the strong wood so firm and the deep contours of the bedraggled bark serving evidence of its adamant stand, the luscious green of the leaves enshrouding the tree in a cloak of evergreen. It was truly a sight when he walked into that office. He remembered complaining to his doctor about some chest pains and remembered as he explained to him he would glance at that tree and find unbelievable strength in it, sustenance billowing into his soul as he retold his pains to the doctor. So once the results were read to him and the inevitable end dictated to him, he looked into that tree and saw a glimmer of death flash before his eyes as a single leaf fell from the branches, a signal of the coming fall.

 He remembers telling Zayn that night he got home, he specifically told him not to scream, and he told him not to cry. He nodded and he explained to him in detail the circumstances surrounding his state, he told him of the tumor and of the severity of his case and the amount of time he still had left to live. Once he was finished he held him to himself trying his hardest to not look into the eyes which were inevitably blank in the trance of disbelief. He held him throughout the night telling him he loved him and that he would spend every waking moment he still had to make him happy. He was silent the entire night, and when he finally shut his eyes Niall hesitantly let go of Zayn and made his way into an empty room and allowed his emotions to slip out. The fear which enshrouded his everything blurted out in sobs and murmurs of defeat, while his anxieties purged through shivers in the dark. He did not fear death anymore, because once you died you were free from the shackles of pain and sorrow, when you die you are freed, a state unparalleled to that of anything else. Niall was not weeping for himself, he was weeping for the boy slumbering softly in the other room. As the pain he would experience would just build up into the blissful end, but for the boy he loved it would be the hardest of times, because Niall knew that he was the only family he had left, so to rid him of the last thing that he loved would definitely push him over the edge, but he wanted Zayn to live a life which was not surrounded in sorrow, he wanted Zayn to feel life coursing through him, because Niall didn’t want Zayn’s spirit to die with himself. So he would fain a smile and keep on living as if the end wouldn’t come, because truth be told, it would be better than living in the fear of tomorrow.

_In the midnight we reminisce of the morning past_

Niall remembers the first time he met Zayn, it wasn’t much of a love at first sight deal, more of people I fleeting moments of randomness connecting and meeting in a moment of pure anonymity. Niall was walking hurriedly out of his dorm room, he was late for class because he enjoyed himself too much the night before, and was now jogging to class drenched in an alcoholic stench. But before he could turn the corner to his classroom he was met with a body moving in a similar manner in the opposite direction, the meeting was fleeting as the boy brushed up against Niall, getting caught off guard the blonde snapped his head behind and caught a glimpse of the boy with amber eyes before turning back and moving to his class, he didn’t daydream of amber eyes nor did he daydream of tan skin caressing his, no he daydreamed of what he was going to eat for lunch. The blonde walked out of the class skipping to the cafeteria only to be met again with amber eyes, but this time their bodies collided. Niall got up and saw the deep bronze with a tinge of gold once again and murmured “Umm hi.” After that meeting the two boys never met again, as if they’re tangential meeting would never repeat, as if the lines reached a point of parallelism, but at a moment of pure chance the two met once again, this time everything fell together in a moment of serendipity, as Zayn wasn’t supposed to be in the Literature class the semester, he just accidentally chose the wrong class, and Niall wasn’t supposed to be sitting in the front of the class that day, just so happened that he again came from a night of alcoholic bliss. They weren’t supposed to meet that time, but somehow and someway the two met and that is where their stories intertwined.

Niall remembered the first time Zayn asked him out. Both were working on their extensive book analysis, which constituted about 30 percent of their grade, and both boys had really gotten close over the two months that they were working. Both boys were situated in the library finishing up when Zayn moved close to Niall and said.

“Hey Niall, do you think you could-“Zayn was then interrupted by a sharp ‘ _shhh!’_ from the librarian, her face contorting into a scrunched up mess. Niall chuckled a bit at the scenario but edged Zayn on.

Zayn lowered his voice “So before I was rudely interrupted, I was thinking –“Again a sharp shushing sound came from the strict woman on the counter.

Zayn breathed a sigh and Niall started snickering, Zayn then lowered his voice into a low whisper “I was thinking if you wanted to-“ and for the third time they heard the sharp sound of the librarian’s tone, at that point Zayn was properly pissed and screamed

“Niall will you fucking go out with me on Friday!” and Niall was caught in a state of laughter and disbelief at the boy in front of him, he took a reluctant glance at the librarian who was seething, then proceeded to look at Zayn who was staring at him with and expectant gaze.

“Of course you dipshit, but I think we have to leave before the librarian chucks an atlas at us” Niall smiles.

Zayn just responds with a hearty chuckle, and the librarian responds with pamphlet hitting Zayn’s head. It was safe to say both boys stopped working in the library after that day.

_In the midnight is the eternal wonder_

Niall remembered when he and Zayn first kissed, that blissful moment, when all caution and doubt were thrown into the wind, the instance all things aligned and their lips met. It was on their second date, Zayn had brought Niall to a spot in the park which he deemed his favorite. There they were met with a blanket and a picnic basket, while Zayn apologized to Niall about the cliché setting, Niall merely asked Zayn if he wanted to eat. They both lay there under the stars partaking in their feast, after which they lay on the blanket looking at the stars. Then a drop of rain splashed on Niall’s pale skin, he sat up trying to feel around for more droplets when the cascading fall of liquid crystals descended from the heavens drenching them with the cool bursts. Niall stood up and felt the rain fall on his face reveling in the feel of the water liberating him from this mundane existence. Once he opened his eyes again he found Zayn standing as well staring intently at Niall, he moved his hands cupping Niall’s cheeks and brought his lips to the blonde’s. And in that moment all doubts and fears vanished and melted into this emotion of pure yearning and want, so powerful and addictive, as their lips caressed each other in moment of pure euphoria they felt the universe stand still in and they felt free, they felt eternal. After the dance of lips and tongue was finished the two separated and stared into each other’s eyes the blue and the amber mixing into this eerie brightness of still. Zayn smiled and Niall smiled then they laid back down feeling the wetness of the rain permeate their skin as Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall and the blonde rested his head on Zayn and the went to a blissful slumber, the next day both boys succumbed to colds and had to miss school, neither of them felt happier.

Niall also remembered the first time they fought, it was one night of drunken frivolity and Niall mistook a random Pakistani as his boyfriend and snogged the poor bloke half to death, only to be greeted by a seething Zayn tapping him on the back. Niall was utterly confused and drunk and horny and that night was a disaster, recounting the events he could still vaguely remember their confrontation when they got home.

“I’m sorry Zayn, how many time do I have to tell you that I’m sorry” Niall pleaded walking into the door of their shared flat.

 It was about 3 months into the relationship and both agreed to get a shared single bedroom flat, because even though everything was moving so fast they felt so much safer with their decision, and it was an advantage to their wallets as well. It was a win-win for everyone.

Zayn looked at Niall with a glare and said “I don’t care that you apologized, it’s the mere fact that you snogged another person!” he screamed going into the kitchen and looking for a water bottle and throwing it at Niall’s direction, because even though he was pissed at the blond but he still cared for god’s sake.

Niall fumbled with the bottle, cocked it open and took a huge gulp after which he mumbled a soft thank you and said much more calmly “Zayn I told you I wasn’t aware of anything, I thought the guy was you, I was really drunk and I wouldn’t snog another guy if I have you to snog” he reasoned. Zayn knew that he Niall was being reasonable and that he truly felt guilty about the whole thing but couldn’t rid his pride.

“Whatever, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight” He said sweeping into the room and shutting it loudly leaving a crestfallen Niall in his wake. The blond screamed at himself for being so stupid and laid himself on the couch letting his frustrations assist him into a deep slumber.

Zayn awoke at about 5 in the morning because he had to use the loo. He made his way into the hall and noticed the body on the couch, Niall was shivering on the cold couch without a blanket or pillow, so Zayn got a pillow from the bed and tucked it under the blonde’s head and placed a blanket over the shivering skin. Zayn placed a soft kiss to the blonde’s cheek while noticing a soft smile form on the troubled face, and went to use the bathroom he went back and sleep knowing full well his little leprechaun was snoring soundly in the other room. The next day Zayn found himself in the arms of the Irishman, he didn’t need to say anything he merely faced the boy and kissed him, because there wasn’t a need to apologize if he already knew he was forgiven.

Niall also remembered the time where Zayn lost everything that he loved. It was that one night and Niall and Zayn were doing nothing on the couch watching movies and kissing was their routine and everything was alright, they fell asleep on the couch limbs intertwined, then at about 3 in the morning Zayn’s phone starts to vibrate blanketing the room with the sounds of Frank Ocean’s “Thinking ‘Bout You,” Niall stirred from his deep slumber and shook Zayn awake, both boys sat up and Zayn groggily answered the phone. The next few moments were the worst moments of Zayn’s life as the person on the phone retold the story of his family’s demise, their house burned down because of a gas leakage while they were all sleeping. Zayn couldn’t stop crying that night, and Niall cried with Zayn the entire night holding him close and assuring him everything was ok and that he would be there. The next few weeks Niall found Zayn so empty and distant, the boy who he loved was lost in this myriad of emotions and facades that Zayn tried to control, but Niall knew that Zayn couldn’t keep his emotions to himself because he knew that Zayn was a prideful person and he knew that Zayn would try his best to seem ok for Niall, but Niall knew better so one day he locked himself and Zayn in a room and told him.

“Zayn I know this is hard for you and you feel that you have to make yourself look ok for me to not worry about you, but you have to stop, it’s ok to be sad! You never even visited their graves after the memorial! Babe I know it hurts, I know you feel so much pain, but you have to tell me how you feel so I can help you” Niall pleaded, Zayn sat still on the bed his eyes deadpanned on the floor, his body not moving an inch.

“Zayn! Scream at me! Cry! Punch me! Anything then just sitting Zayn, I can’t see you so broken and lost all the time, you have to move on,  _we_ have to move on” Niall begged kneeling in front of Zayn and holding his cheeks.

“Please look at me and please tell me how you feel” Niall said forlornly. Zayn looked at him and whispered “I feel nothing” he sobbed “I feel like I’m nothing, I feel like the world has no meaning anymore, I feel like my life is pointless, Niall I feel empty” He gasped trying to breath his breath mixed with sobs as he started to hyperventilate, his breathing becoming erratic as emotion toiled in his body. Niall hugged Zayn tightly, he held him like his soul would whisk away if he didn’t. After moments of ragged breathing when Zayn started to calm down a bit he whispered something into Niall’s ear.

“I’m sorry for being so distant, I’m so sorry for making you feel sad” He said, Niall put a chaste kiss on Zayn’s forehead and said “It’s ok babe, just tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you” He cooed rubbing circles on his boyfriend’s back. “Just don’t leave me. Niall please promise me you won’t leave me” Zayn whimpered.

“I won’t I promise”

_In the midnight is the cold_

Niall remembered the time of his entire ordeal. The fleeting moments of his final months in the land of mortals, for he was about to joins the constellations in the infinite heaven. Niall remembered telling his doctor his decision to not accept any medical treatment for his condition he was in the office once again, and he saw the tree standing there strong and proud, but the evergreen had turned to a green with a tinge of yellow, and he knew things were going to change, but he wouldn’t let this change define how he lived and loved so when the doctor came in Niall said “Doctor, I’ll bypass all the medical treatment, I will choose to die on the accord of my body and not anything else, I appreciate all the things that you’ve done for me but I would like to die where I would live, not in the confines of these four white walls, I know my lifespan would be shorter, but I’d rather live life happily for a few months than live a miserable in a year, so I apologize” His doctor merely looked at him and smiled a single tear falling from his face “It’s alright, but I want to tell you something for I think this will be the last time we shall be meeting.” He said, Niall nodded and gestured for him to proceed “My job is to save people, to heal them of their woes and all their physical impairments; it is a job both noble and heartbreaking. We doctor’s try to severe our relations with all our patients, as we have to be impartial and have to always take the patient’s life into account. The worst part of my job is telling my patients that I cannot do anything for them, as it pains me to see them so lost and helpless, and my profession, my knowledge become irrelevant to the will of God, I hate leaving them helpless and lost, but for you Mr. Horan I shall break all these codes and tell you this. You live your life as you want it and don’t put yourself anywhere that would make you unhappy, love and live life to the fullest and make the last months of your life worth remembering. Thank you Mr. Horan for gracing me with your presence, it has been an honor.” His doctor says tears now streaming down his elderly face caressing the wrinkles marking his features. Niall stood up and hugged his doctor and murmured his gratitude before leaving the office, never setting foot there ever again.

He remembered telling his parents and his friends asking all of them to treat him normally and make these last months he had worthwhile. Niall also told Zayn to smile for him, to smile for the time they had and the time they still have with each other. He remembered the time he and Zayn went to the beach, Niall was a week in after the big reveal and both boys decided they would travel a bit exploring new places and seeing new sights, and finding new adventures in every corner. One day they found themselves on the beach somewhere on the outskirts of Spain, they were on the sand and he remembered the breeze touching his face and breathing life to it, his hand was on Zayn’s and he felt Zayn curl up to him hugging him as they lay there and watched the sunset and reminisced about old times. He also remembered skydiving with Zayn, both were scared out of their wits but Zayn held onto Niall all the way. Niall felt all the fear and anxiety escalate as he and his instructor walked cautiously to the edge of the plain, but when they jumped Niall felt endless. He felt free and unbarred; his eyes saw the beauty and his body felt the rush of freedom coursing thought every single vein in his body as he fell through the heavens. Niall shut his eyes and felt everything felt the wind, he felt the sun, he felt the water droplets and he felt happy, he felt content. And when the parachute was disengaged and he looked into the horizon he felt the moments of forever coming closer.

Niall also remembered the times where he would feel weak and he would remember that death was knocking at his door, that life was slowly leaving his body. He remembered coughing up blood and seeing Zayn’s face as his boyfriend tried to hide the tears. Niall quickly assured Zayn that he was fine and that it was normal, he asked Zayn to hold him, because he wanted Zayn to feel him while he was still here. The next time he coughed blood, he coughed a lot and he was already feeling week, his breaths were getting shorter and just walking up the stairs made him feel weak. His was now falling and his body was becoming skinnier and skinnier by the day, he was constantly in pain and one night he knew time wasn’t on his side anymore. So that night he asked Zayn to take him to the spot where they first kissed; and at that moment Niall knew that Zayn knew that this would be Niall’s last night.

_In the midnight is the new tomorrow_

So here he was Zayn crying on his chest, fragile hands holding on to his love. Niall didn’t want to leave Zayn so soon but time was calling and he couldn’t fight this force edging him closer to forever. So he held Zayn and let him cry, allowed him to feel him for the last time. Zayn put his head up and looked into the cerulean eyes tears streaming down the fragile face.

“I can’t live without you Niall, you fucking promised you wouldn’t leave me,  _you promised_ ” Zayn screamed trying to control his emotions. Niall wiped away his tears and replied “Zayn I’m not going to break that promise, I’m not going to leave you, I’m never going to leave you, you’re going to feel me everywhere ok, I’m going to be right beside you forever” Niall cooed holding Zayn. “I’m exhausted Zayn let’s sleep, let me rest” Niall asked. Zayn merely nodded and held onto Niall closely letting his arms and limbs entangle with his love for one last time. Niall waited for Zayn to sleep, he then proceeded to take out an envelope from his pocket. And he placed it on his chest and he closed his eyes, and his breath slowed into a slow rhythm, going slower and slower until there was no more.

Zayn woke up to a cold body in his arms. He knew that Niall had left him, his love had already moved on, he was prying his arms away from the emptiness that was once Niall when he felt a piece of paper scrape his arm, he looked over to find an envelope tucked into Niall’s chest. Zayn pried it of him and looked at him, written at the back of the letter in a neat scrawl was  _To My Love._

He opened the envelope to find a letter, it read.

_Zayn,_

_My dear, the reason you are reading this is because I have joined the stars in the sky, and I have left you by yourself. I want you to know that I am always with you even if you can_ _’_ _t feel me. I_ _’_ _m always there no matter what._

_I want to thank you for everything, each second with you was a moment I cherished with all my heart because you are my everything, my all, you are my life and I want to thank you for accepting me into your heart._

_I am sorry love, I_ _’_ _m so sorry for leaving so soon, I_ _’_ _m sorry for not living our life together. I_ _’_ _m sorry I won_ _’_ _t be there anymore. I_ _’_ _m sorry I won_ _’_ _t be able to touch you. I_ _’_ _m so sorry I won_ _’_ _t be able to say_ _‘_ _I love you anymore. I_ _’_ _m sorry I won_ _’_ _t be able to be with you there._

_But I am not sorry for meeting you, I am not sorry for spending the last days of my life with you, I am not sorry for dedicating every waking moment of my life to your happiness._

_I want you to live life. Please I want you to live life as if I was still there. I want you to smile and I want you to laugh. I want you to feel like the world is still bright and there is still purpose. Please live your life like I would live. Please live for me, please do what I haven_ _’_ _t done, please love with no limit and please live with the knowledge that I still and always will love you._

_Zayn I won_ _’_ _t leave you, I will keep my promise._ _Just do me this one last thing love._

_Don_ _’_ _t mourn on the thing that has passed, cherish it. Don_ _’_ _t fear the uncertainty of tomorrow, love what is in front of you. And never think that my life was wasted, because every moment was worth it._

_Smile for me, love, smile because I_ _’_ _m not hurting anymore. I can rest, so smile and be happy for me, ok._

_Tonight I join the stars, one day you_ _’_ _ll join them with me._

_I love you Zayn, forever_

_Niall_

Zayn lived his life like Niall wanted him to live it, for the both of them. Zayn loved and Zayn cherished every moment he had. To remember his love he planted a tree in the place Niall was buried, underneath the stars. Every week he would visit it and tell Niall all his stories and took care of the plant, nurtured it until it grew big and strong. Zayn lived a long and happy life and when the moment came for him to pass into forever, he made his way to the place where everything mattered and he sat down on the tree and he slept his last, awaiting the moment he would see his love again, under the midnight of forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was sobbing when I wrote this, but I love it either way. Please share your opinions on this story and leave your feedback. I will love you forever.


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